Saturday, June 11, 2011


So this one is a little embarrassing, but it's true so bear with me...

What is the common bond between us all?  Whatever race, color or creed we are all united by one thing... poop.  We all do it.  There is no use hiding behind the poop free curtain of common decency.  Besides, anyone that has had a kid or even a puppy has been up to their eye balls in poo.

In my two and a half years with my son I have become more familiar with poo than I would ever have imagined.  Now that we are working with potty training we are even more tuned into my son's bowel movements than ever.  In fact, when David goes poo on the potty I throw a little party.  It's a really big deal.  He gets excited and we get excited!  So bottom line, poo is on our mind and now even David is getting used to talking about it.  I'm a little worried that someday soon David will start recounting bathroom tales in a public place.

So now for the embarrassing stuff...  So pretty much food goes right through me.  Some are worse than others.  Mexican food is a particular killer.  It could have something to do with the dozen cups of salsa I eat within an hour's time but the jury's still out on that.  That being said, the uncontested number one Will Pyle bowel clearer is Benihana.  I can't help but love that food.  The ginger sauce, the fried rice and the various main courses are hard to beat.  Not to mention this food is cooked right in front of you by a guy who more often than not is of Hispanic origin.  (I mean seriously, who do they think they're kidding?  Hispanic people don't look anything like Japanese people and yet Pedro tries to fool me with some Japanese words he learned recently.  I'm not buying it.)  But all this culinary greatness comes at a cost.  I went to Benihana a few months back with my sister's family to celebrate some holiday or achievement.  As we were leaving the restaurant it hit me.  Problem was, I was in my car already.  I had to make an emergency stop at the closest thing I could find.  Luckily for me it was a Hampton Inn with a readily accessible bathroom.  Let's just say, I am no longer welcome at any Hampton Inn's in this country.

I say all of this because I was recently invited to celebrate again with my sister's family at Benihana.  The only thing on my mind was my previous near car interior ruining experience.  On this occasion I had David with me.  As I mentioned before, we are working very hard on potty training David.  It's going well.  So as we were sitting at the table and David said, "Daddy, I need to go pee pee!"  So I hopped into action.  Ran him to the bathroom and had great success.  As I was waiting for him to go I felt my own little rumble.  The kind of rumble that leads to a problem.  So, being in a bathroom I thought I would take a preemptive step and deal with that situation.  Nothing.  I came up with a loud and resounding blank...  So I went back to the table with the same rumble in place.  About 15 minutes later David uttered the sacred words again and I jumped into action again.  Same rumble...  So David took care of his issue and I decided to give mine another go.  So David is watching... and listening with great anticipation.  Again nothing is happening.  It's quite frustrating.  David looks up at me and is asking all kinds of questions.  He can clearly see that I am not happy and he says, "Daddy, maybe you just don't have to go."  I couldn't help but laugh.  I was sitting there in the stall with my child cracking up. 

The great event never happened for me that night.  It's like laughter cured my disorder.  It's amazing how in tuned David is into all things bathroom.  He gets really excited about everything.  It's neat to see how he takes it all in.  He's fascinated by how all the different toilets work.  He wants to know if they're automatic or if he gets to pull the handle (Don't worry Mark, he pushes the handle with his foot).  He grasps so much. 

Every morning I get him out of his bed to start our morning.  As we are walking down the stairs I have him in my arms on our way to our bedroom to watch some curious george as I snooze.  He always asks me if I'm naked (I have shorts on but he can't see that when he's in my arms).  I always wonder why he knows what naked means, and I'm always reminded that he knows when we walk through the locker room in our health club.  He asks why the people are naked in his not so quite voice.  It's really funny.

So as this potty training goes on I find myself in more and more bathrooms with my child helping him learn how to use the bathroom like a big boy.  Whenever I came across a dad doing this before I had David I couldn't imagine myself in that position.  I'm not going to go as far to say that it's enjoyable but it's great to see him get so excited about all the things he does.  And it's a great source of pride to see him learn and excel at things.  He's a sponge and he remembers when I seem him working hard on going potty and when I say things like, "David, maybe you just don't have to go."


  1. Kids definitely make us think about things we wouldn't normally think about and do things we wouldn't normally do. Flushing is fine, just remember to wash your hands for at least 15 seconds afterwards.

  2. This is quite possibly the funniest thing I've read. Ever. I could not stop laughing... even like 15 minutes after finishing the post. I made Brent and his mom read it, and I was laughing while THEY read it, just thinking about it! I kept saying "Oh... did you get to the part where..." Genius, Will. The teacher in me wants to tell you that you have very good voice in your writing. I can just hear you narrating this - your personality shines. Good job friend!