Friday, January 21, 2011

I really thought it was going to be my year...

David just turned two years old on December 31st.  Cities across the world celebrate his birthday.  It's a pretty big deal.  Needless to say, David got a lot of new presents.  There is a lot to play with in our house right now.  One of these presents is an art table that is just his size.  It came with two chairs and a variety of different markers.  One set of these markers happen to be dry erase markers.  It is this set of markers that ruined my chances at the 2011 dad of the year award.

If I'm being honest (and I always am), I knew I didn't have a chance at the actual award itself.  That over-achieving dad that pushes, pulls and carries his disabled kid through iron man triathlons wins every year.  It's like, we get it.  You're strong. Now it kinda seems like he's showing off, right?  So really, I was hoping just to be nominated...  I mean just to be nominated right?

Normally, about one day a week I have David duty.  I knock off work early and watch David while April goes to work.  It's a nice system because I get some extra time that way.  This particular day was after Christmas and David's birthday so the house was littered with new toys.  One of his favorites is the above mentioned art table.  On April's way out the door she cautioned me about the dry erase markers.  Apparently they are the only markers in the house that are not washable.  I dismissed her cautions as out of hand.  I mean really, I can handle this right.

Well, apparently when your child turns two he becomes a wild man.  All of a sudden David is a million miles an hour.  It's exhausting trying to keep up with him.  This day was no different. 

While I was on duty, David asked to play at his art table.  Specifically, he wanted to play with his dry erase markers.  Somewhere in my mind I remember April's warning so I set the art table up over the tile instead of the carpet.  He is drawing nicely on his table.  Really seems to be enjoying himself.  In the other room I hear my phone ringing so I trot off to get it....  Mistake number one.

I come back no more than ten seconds later on the phone with my sister.  I look at the table and David is nowhere in sight.  So I walk over and check it out.  David is laying on the carpet looking up at me.  Nothing seems to be wrong until I reach over to pick him up.  He is laying on top of his most recent master piece.  He drew about a dozen RED lines into my nice clean (sort of) carpet.  Now April's warnings are going off.  "They're NOT washable."  So I run into the laundry room to get the carpet cleaner.... Mistake number two.

When I return David is nowhere in sight and I can't find the red marker (blue one is on the table).  I called David over to the spot that I am trying to clean and ask him where the red marker is.  He says, "over here."  It's sitting on our ottoman.  I get to it only to find that there are red marks all over the leather ottoman.  Now, I have the marker in hand I figure it can't much worse, until I look over at the carpet in front of the couch.  Another set of red marks similar to the first set. 

Now it's time to clean.  I start working with the spot shot trying to get this stuff up.  It's working... a little.  As I am scrubbing the carpet, Jake comes over to see what I am doing.  I notice for the first time that his face is covered with red dry erase marks.  Poor dog.

So in the ten seconds it took me to get the phone plus the ten seconds it took me to get the cleaning materials my son marked on the carpet twice, a leather ottoman and the dog.  It happened that fast.

I guess the moral of the story is, don't run to the other room to answer the phone.  It's probably just your sister.


  1. Do NOT blame me!! You know it was the best, most riveting conversation you'd had in DAYS!! By the way, reading about it was way funnier than listening to it happen over the phone. Poor Jake.

  2. And his race car. You forgot the dry erase marker all over the race car.

  3. At least this has happened in the first couple of weeks of the year. You have 11 1/2 months to make up for it. You'll have to train hard so that you can carry David in an ultra triathlon.

  4. Ahahahahahahahahaha! Love it - laughing out loud!

  5. Wow. This is like the best story ever. I was laughing so hard I seriously couldn't breathe. Especially the part about the man who pushes his son through triathalons... so wrong yet so funny. Keep it up!